


Exit Wounds

by becausefandom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Slash, The Prank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becausefandom/pseuds/becausefandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Lose your clothes and show your scars, that's who you are.</i><br/>The Prank, and all of it's long lasting consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exit Wounds

_My hands are cold, my body's numb;  
I'm still in shock what have you done?  
My head is pounding, my vision's blurred;  
Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word._

_  
_

James stares at the boy before him, and fails to comprehend a word he’s saying. Because really, what he’s saying, it can’t be true. He wouldn’t do that to Remus. Not him.

But his mouth is still moving, and James has never seen him like this. Not even when he learnt that Regulus had joined the Death Eaters did he look this _lost_. He’d pity him, if he wasn’t saying what he was saying.

He can’t move, he can’t feel anything, let alone hear anything that he’s saying. The words are bouncing round his head, pounding, deafening, but it’s like he’s forgotten English, because he doesn’t understand.

The dormitory swims out of focus as James’ mind runs away with him, imagining the possible implications of his actions. Clearly he doesn’t realise what he’s done – he never sees the consequences that his actions have. And this time, he’s failed to see that it’s likely to end in Remus’ death.

James should feel something – anything – but he doesn’t. He’s too shocked. He just feels numb.

His mouth is still moving, but James doesn’t hear him. He’s already half way to the common room.

 

_And it hurts so bad that I search my skin  
For the entry point, where love went in,  
And ricocheted, and bounced around,  
And left a hole when you walked out._

The transformation has begun, and Remus is in agony. But it’s so much more than usual.

It’s like all of the emotional pain is conspiring against him, with the wolf, to drag him down, and down, until he loses himself.

And he doesn’t mind. Because it’s an escape. It hurts – of course – but he can lose himself in it, can lose reality in it.

The pain of the transformation is nothing compared to the pain of the knowledge of what he’s done. He finally lay his heart bare, revealed everything that had been building in him for years. He made himself vulnerable, weak.

And he didn’t say anything. He just walked away.

He knew that he wouldn’t feel the same way – Remus wasn’t stupid – but to just walk away without a word? He thought he deserved more than that, he thought he was his friend.

He knows that he won’t come tonight. And it kills him.

He wishes he could say that he doesn’t want to love him, but it’s just not true. He means the world to him – he could never imagine loving anyone else. But he knows it can never be.

So he seeks an escape.

As he yields to the wolf, and howls mournfully at the moon, his lupine hearing picks up the entrance of another to the shack.

 

_I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room,  
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?  
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose,  
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds.  
Wounds where their leaving, the scars you're keeping.  
Exit wounds, where their leaving, the scars you're keeping._

James makes it to the shack in time, but at the same time, too late. Snape isn’t dead, but neither is he naïve, blindly stabbing in the dark.

Because of Sirius, Snape _knew_.

And this is what James can’t wrap his head around – Sirius _loved_ Remus. Like, _really_ loved him. He’d trusted James with that, then returned to pining after his unrequited love.

So why would he do this?

He feels betrayed. He loved him like a brother, and now he’s realising that maybe he didn’t know him at all. And it hurts. It hurts like hell.

But it’s nothing compared to how Remus will feel when he finds out.

So James does all he can. He retreats from the shack. He runs from the friend that he had promised to protect. He pulls Snape up to the hospital wing. He does more for his sworn enemy than for a fellow Marauder.

And Dumbledore is – of course – in the hospital wing when he gets there. One look at the man tells him all he needs to know. He knows.

 

_The marks of battle still feel raw,  
A million pieces of me on the floor.  
I'm damaged goods for all to see,  
Now who would ever want to be with me?_

Sirius sits at the top of the astronomy tower, gazing towards the Whomping Willow. Towards Remus.

It hadn’t taken him long after James had left to realise why his best friend was so angry. And it broke him. But he didn’t know what to do about it.

So he secluded himself, and resolved to stay so until he did know what to do.

Because he has fucked up. He is broken, but that doesn’t matter. What he has done to Remus negates anything that he might feel – he doesn’t deserve to feel. That would mean he is still alive.

James thinks that he doesn’t understand action and consequence. He does, but it scares him. So he avoids it. And pretends he doesn’t understand.

Remus had told him he loved him. And he had walked away. He hadn’t wanted to let himself believe that it could be true, hadn’t wanted to let himself hope.

And then he’d met Snape. Snape and his bloody comments about the full moon. And it had all poured out. And now, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see Remus again.

Finally he understands what people always said about him, what his family said about him. Because it’s true, he _is_ damaged goods. Who the fuck does that to the person they love?

Who is he to expect anyone to ever love him after he has proven that he was incapable of love?

The door to the tower creaks open, and he turns to meet James’ fist.

 

_I've got all the baggage: the drink, the pills.  
Yeah this is living, but without the will.  
I'm blacking out, I'm shutting down.  
You've left a hole, you walked out._

It’s the morning after, and Remus curls into James’ embrace as he sobs. Because he doesn’t expect Sirius to love him, but he doesn’t expect him to hate him this much either.

Neither boy knows why Sirius did what he did, but it doesn’t matter. Because this is the final blow. Remus is broken. He can’t take anymore.

 

_I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room,  
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?  
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose,  
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds.  
Wounds where their leaving, the scars you're keeping.  
Exit wounds, where their leaving, the scars you're keeping._

 

Sirius can’t take anymore – he has to know. He bursts into the hospital wing, searches desperately for Remus.

Two pairs of eyes meet his gaze, and the curtains are violently drawn, but it’s enough. Remus is alive. But he looks so much worse than usual. Sirius realises that they do more than they know on the full moon.

It’s more, though, than just the physical injury. Because in that fleeting instant, Sirius sees that Remus too, is broken. And he did that.

His eyes flick to the bed across from Remus’ and feels relief that Snape appears unharmed, if shaken.

They were Sirius’ actions, but it is Remus who will wear the scars of consequence.

 

_Lose your clothes and show your scars,  
That's who you are,  
That's who you are._

It’s a months later. It’s forgiveness, but it’s not trust. It might never be.

But they’re together now, and for the most part, they’re happy. They argue, they fight. Remus can’t trust him properly, and Sirius is still a prat from time to time. But they are happy.

Today, they sit on the edge of Sirius’ bed as they kiss. Lips meet, tongues dance, teeth clash. Sirius’ hand skims the edge of Remus’ shirt, and moves to push it up.

Remus stills. Freezes.

Sirius stops. Because he understands.

“Your scars?”

Remus doesn’t say anything, won’t meet his eyes.

“Don’t be ashamed of who you are Remus. Don’t ever do that.”

 

_The marks of battle still feel raw,  
A million pieces of me on the floor._

Sometimes, Remus looks at the boy who broke his heart, his trust, and wonders why he ever gave him a chance. Because though he has forgiven him, he can’t ever trust him. Not really, not like he used to. He’s always on edge, wondering when this cocoon of bliss they’ve built will all come tumbling down.

He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help it.

But then Sirius will turn to him. Grab his hand. Kiss him. Just _smile_. And Remus knows.

That’s why.

 

_I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room,  
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?  
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose,  
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds._

 

The moment when the fairy-tale ends comes later than expected, but still too soon.

Remus stares disbelievingly at the man before him. He can’t understand what Dumbledore is saying. He can’t accept it. He always suspected that he would do something stupid, something to break his trust.

But this?

Two dead at the hand of the other.

He is alone.

He knows that he can’t take much more. He feels that he’ll die from the pain. Because really, how much love can one heart lose?

 

_Wounds where they’re leaving, the scars you're keeping.  
Exit wounds, where they’re leaving, the scars you're keeping._

 

Twelve years passes before Remus sees him again. Twelve years he lives with the pain of betrayal.

But then, he sees him again. And this time he knows he is innocent. All is forgiven. All is forgotten. Finally.

But this time, Sirius wears the scars of his own actions.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Exit Wounds, by The Script.


End file.
